I learned some very disturbing information today about one of my children. Now, my children know that I am adamant and relentless about honesty in our relationship; in every way. They hear me say things like, "you're only as good as your word", my daughter says "liars go to hell" which is kind of harsh. I've always been adamant about telling the truth and having the truth told to me. So, to hear that I've been lied to for years by any of my children is so heartwrenching I can't even begin to put it into words.
Although the information I learned today was disappointing for me, it's so much more disappointing for me to find out about the lying. If you're going to venture out and do something against what your parents advise, by all means at least have the "balls" to admit it. But to live a lie and keep guilt and shame inside of you, is unfathomable. I feel sorry for the torture my child has put themselves through living this lie, proclaiming to be something they are not; for what reason I'm not sure. What I found out today, explains so much about their behavior and issues, per se, and why certain circumstances which I just couldn't understand are totally understandable now. It's like a light has been shown in a dark place, but unfortunately not for my child. I'm not sure at this point, I can discuss this with them; I'm not sure I can handle if they continue on in their lie and tell me "you're crazy, who told you that, that's not true, how could you believe them over me," blah, blah, blah. Because the thought of having them continue in the lie is so much more great than actually being told by someone else.
But, I'm not sure that I can carry this weight; the weight of knowing I've been lied to, things are not as they seem. It will be hard for me to look at my child, speak with my child, spend time with my child, knowing there is this chasm between us that was put there when my child decided to lie to me and continue living the lie. I could have gone on in oblivious wonder had someone not "enlightened" me about this issue. But now that I know, I know. It kind of makes me mad at the person that told me; which is kind of ridiculous in a way, but they have their own part in this story. I want to cry because my heart hurts, this seems to happen a lot to me lately as a mother. I desire the best for my children and on both parts, this is not your finest moment. Oh, one of you can count it as "just a mistake" and the other one can act like it just never happened.
The only thing that comes to mind is that old gospel song that says, "where can I go, but to the Lord."
Monday, September 5, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
A Way With Words
March 12, 2011
I have always been aware or rather I have been raised to be aware of words. It's kind of odd though, we were raised around motivational type information, books, literature and speakers because my dad was a salesman. I assume he used these works to keep himself motivated, positive and therefore drawing his own dreams and desires into existence. Oddly enough though, those aren't the words he spoke. We heard so many quotes, "People don't plan to fail, they fail to plan, show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser, water seeks it's own level, show me a man without a goal and I'll show you a man going no where, how can you hit a target or a goal, you don't have, winning isn't everything, it's the only thing."
On and on, they went. But he never directly spoke those words to us or my mom. If we were sick he would say, "get tough or die". That comment hasn't helped much with my empathy skills as a mother or as an adult. His words were hurtful, painful, damaging and at 55 years of age, those are the things I remember about my childhood and my dad. Report card - 6 A's and 1 B, "you obviously didn't try hard enough or you would have had all A's". That may be true but is that what you want, your child half a lifetime later to hear that bouncing around in her head. "Can't you do anything right?" Is that what you want your friend or child to remember when you're dead and gone; is that your legacy? Because your words live on, they have a life of their own. They live on not just in me, but because they affected and still affect me, they live on in my children, my marriage, my friends, my life. The words we say live on. From a small amount of human tissue placed strategically in a mouth between upper and lower teeth, comes the power to heal, the power to destroy, the power to build up, the power to tear down, the power to scream, the power to whisper. We can change the tone, the level, the intensity, the intention of our words all for good or for evil. It's a choice we all make, a choice we make unconsciously without thought, without even listening to our own words coming out of our mouth.
Father God, may we hear our words today, may we listen to what we say and may we be saying what you would want us to say - words that heal, words that mend, words of love, caring and adoration inspired by Your love that included dying on the cross. Also, as we say these words, may we be people of intention, that do the things we say that we're going to do that we show character and follow through on things after the feeling is gone. May we not just speak words of genuine caring and affection but may we follow through with our actions. Jesus, help me to be more like You.
I have always been aware or rather I have been raised to be aware of words. It's kind of odd though, we were raised around motivational type information, books, literature and speakers because my dad was a salesman. I assume he used these works to keep himself motivated, positive and therefore drawing his own dreams and desires into existence. Oddly enough though, those aren't the words he spoke. We heard so many quotes, "People don't plan to fail, they fail to plan, show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser, water seeks it's own level, show me a man without a goal and I'll show you a man going no where, how can you hit a target or a goal, you don't have, winning isn't everything, it's the only thing."
On and on, they went. But he never directly spoke those words to us or my mom. If we were sick he would say, "get tough or die". That comment hasn't helped much with my empathy skills as a mother or as an adult. His words were hurtful, painful, damaging and at 55 years of age, those are the things I remember about my childhood and my dad. Report card - 6 A's and 1 B, "you obviously didn't try hard enough or you would have had all A's". That may be true but is that what you want, your child half a lifetime later to hear that bouncing around in her head. "Can't you do anything right?" Is that what you want your friend or child to remember when you're dead and gone; is that your legacy? Because your words live on, they have a life of their own. They live on not just in me, but because they affected and still affect me, they live on in my children, my marriage, my friends, my life. The words we say live on. From a small amount of human tissue placed strategically in a mouth between upper and lower teeth, comes the power to heal, the power to destroy, the power to build up, the power to tear down, the power to scream, the power to whisper. We can change the tone, the level, the intensity, the intention of our words all for good or for evil. It's a choice we all make, a choice we make unconsciously without thought, without even listening to our own words coming out of our mouth.
Father God, may we hear our words today, may we listen to what we say and may we be saying what you would want us to say - words that heal, words that mend, words of love, caring and adoration inspired by Your love that included dying on the cross. Also, as we say these words, may we be people of intention, that do the things we say that we're going to do that we show character and follow through on things after the feeling is gone. May we not just speak words of genuine caring and affection but may we follow through with our actions. Jesus, help me to be more like You.
Healing Ministry
March 2, 2011
This week I'm attending the Risen King's Conference on "Redigging the Wells of Supernatural Healing". I didn't really know what to expect, except perhaps some healing; I would think that would happen at a healing conference.
Evenings are open sessions, anyone can come to hear the speakers. Monday night, my daughter's roommate and I are sitting on the second row at Risen King. There is an older couple in front of us; they appear physically frail. I don't know whether their health had taken a tole on their life or their life choices but it didn't really matter. They were very attentive to each other in a very loving and caring way. We worship; it was amazing. God was there, it was like basking in warmth. The presence of God so apparent. After worship, we took a few moments to meet the people around us. We met the couple in front of us, the woman had a beautiful name.
Moments later, the woman stiffened up, the man quickly dropped to his knees in front of her, she began shaking and he administered something to her; I assumed she was having some sort of seizure. We leaned forward, outstretched our hands and began to pray for her. A few other people came to her side to comfort her and try and attend to her. I listened to the man as he comforted his bride, he spoke into her hope, he prayed, "Father, Father, come, help her, calm her." He stroke her face, he stroke her hair, he held her, he continued to speak into her and to pray. After a few minutes, she calmed, the seizure had past. He continued to speak into her, loving on her, loving her, his total attention on her well being.
We listened to Bill Randall speak about healing prayer. It was moving and informative and led into a time of ministry for those wanting healing. I would assume the man and the woman in front of us were there for healing; it is a healing conference, right? She was approached and soon people began to pray for her; sitting right behind her, I leaned forward and prayed for her also. It was heart wrenching, gut wrenching to imagine someone whose life is tormented by such a disease as epilepsy. In my mind, I believed she deserved to be healed, like any of us deserve anything, but her body was ravaged with a disease and a loving God, a loving Father would surely not want that for his daughter. Right? Isn't that right? I know Bill talked about not everyone gets healed but we pray in anticipation and trust that God heals anyway He sees fit and it will all be for His glory. Now, this is the first time I've ever attended anything like this and admit it's all new and although I believe God can do anything, I'm still wondering can He do it through me? I know it's a silly question but I'm trying to be totally honest here. My husband and children have heard me say over and over, "I believe God flung the stars from His fingertips, anything else to me would seem easy for Him." Now, I know He uses me in many ways, I just always believed that people were gifted healers, not just people like me who step out in faith boldly to see God move through them in a new way.
We prayed, we prayed again and she sat down. Minutes later, she had a seizure again. Really, God, a few minutes later. The man quickly dropped to his knees in front of her again, he administered something again, he began speaking life and hope to her again, he began to pray again, "Oh Father, Oh Father, calm her, come Lord Jesus." He stroked her hair and her face, he held her, he was handed a damp towel and he wiped her face. He continued, and continued, and continued, this seizure a little longer and more intense than the last. I pray again, I'm thinking, "oh my, this woman can't be left alone, his whole life is wrapped up in taking care of her. God, you really need to heal her so that they can have a 'normal' life." I think at this time God is laughing and responding, "like your normal life?" I continue to lean forward and pray for her, I haven't quite resorted to begging God and I probably would have except I just texted my daughter a quote that said, "For us to beg God to heal someone is to say that we have more mercy than God." I pray again and continue until the seizure passes. It's sad to see someone who has no control over their body, something physical holding her body captive. It finally passes, and within 15 minutes; it happens and it starts all over again.
The man quickly dropped to his knees in front of her again, he administered something again, he began speaking life and hope to her again, he began to pray again, "Oh Father, Oh Father, calm her, come Lord Jesus." He stroked her hair and her face, he held her, he wiped her face again. He continued, and continued, and continued until this seizure past. Shortly thereafter, the session was over or maybe it was over for me; I don't know. But I left the building and as I walked to the car I was weeping, "God why didn't you heal that woman, she so desperately needed to have her body freed from the bondage of epilepsy? Why, I want to know why?
God is so faithful, He answers: "The greater gift is how he loves her? How many times do you see love like that? He gives his life to care for her. His love is the greater gift; the gift the world needs to see."
I'm officially in a puddle; a puddle of my own tears. Once again, I ask, He answers, I am humbled and wowed at the same time. Thank you Jesus for that most beautiful picture of your love; I don't see it very often. In fact, the last time I saw love like that I was 16 years old at a business conference with my parents. When the meal was over and it was time to dance, one of men there picked up his severely handicapped daughter, held her in his arms, her feet hanging limply fifteen inches from the floor and he danced on the dance floor with her like she was a princess. Yes, he was giving his life for her also. That was 39 year ago; so yeah, I guess you just don't see that very often. Thank you, thank you, thank you; God; I'm beginning to understand healing ministry.
This week I'm attending the Risen King's Conference on "Redigging the Wells of Supernatural Healing". I didn't really know what to expect, except perhaps some healing; I would think that would happen at a healing conference.
Evenings are open sessions, anyone can come to hear the speakers. Monday night, my daughter's roommate and I are sitting on the second row at Risen King. There is an older couple in front of us; they appear physically frail. I don't know whether their health had taken a tole on their life or their life choices but it didn't really matter. They were very attentive to each other in a very loving and caring way. We worship; it was amazing. God was there, it was like basking in warmth. The presence of God so apparent. After worship, we took a few moments to meet the people around us. We met the couple in front of us, the woman had a beautiful name.
Moments later, the woman stiffened up, the man quickly dropped to his knees in front of her, she began shaking and he administered something to her; I assumed she was having some sort of seizure. We leaned forward, outstretched our hands and began to pray for her. A few other people came to her side to comfort her and try and attend to her. I listened to the man as he comforted his bride, he spoke into her hope, he prayed, "Father, Father, come, help her, calm her." He stroke her face, he stroke her hair, he held her, he continued to speak into her and to pray. After a few minutes, she calmed, the seizure had past. He continued to speak into her, loving on her, loving her, his total attention on her well being.
We listened to Bill Randall speak about healing prayer. It was moving and informative and led into a time of ministry for those wanting healing. I would assume the man and the woman in front of us were there for healing; it is a healing conference, right? She was approached and soon people began to pray for her; sitting right behind her, I leaned forward and prayed for her also. It was heart wrenching, gut wrenching to imagine someone whose life is tormented by such a disease as epilepsy. In my mind, I believed she deserved to be healed, like any of us deserve anything, but her body was ravaged with a disease and a loving God, a loving Father would surely not want that for his daughter. Right? Isn't that right? I know Bill talked about not everyone gets healed but we pray in anticipation and trust that God heals anyway He sees fit and it will all be for His glory. Now, this is the first time I've ever attended anything like this and admit it's all new and although I believe God can do anything, I'm still wondering can He do it through me? I know it's a silly question but I'm trying to be totally honest here. My husband and children have heard me say over and over, "I believe God flung the stars from His fingertips, anything else to me would seem easy for Him." Now, I know He uses me in many ways, I just always believed that people were gifted healers, not just people like me who step out in faith boldly to see God move through them in a new way.
We prayed, we prayed again and she sat down. Minutes later, she had a seizure again. Really, God, a few minutes later. The man quickly dropped to his knees in front of her again, he administered something again, he began speaking life and hope to her again, he began to pray again, "Oh Father, Oh Father, calm her, come Lord Jesus." He stroked her hair and her face, he held her, he was handed a damp towel and he wiped her face. He continued, and continued, and continued, this seizure a little longer and more intense than the last. I pray again, I'm thinking, "oh my, this woman can't be left alone, his whole life is wrapped up in taking care of her. God, you really need to heal her so that they can have a 'normal' life." I think at this time God is laughing and responding, "like your normal life?" I continue to lean forward and pray for her, I haven't quite resorted to begging God and I probably would have except I just texted my daughter a quote that said, "For us to beg God to heal someone is to say that we have more mercy than God." I pray again and continue until the seizure passes. It's sad to see someone who has no control over their body, something physical holding her body captive. It finally passes, and within 15 minutes; it happens and it starts all over again.
The man quickly dropped to his knees in front of her again, he administered something again, he began speaking life and hope to her again, he began to pray again, "Oh Father, Oh Father, calm her, come Lord Jesus." He stroked her hair and her face, he held her, he wiped her face again. He continued, and continued, and continued until this seizure past. Shortly thereafter, the session was over or maybe it was over for me; I don't know. But I left the building and as I walked to the car I was weeping, "God why didn't you heal that woman, she so desperately needed to have her body freed from the bondage of epilepsy? Why, I want to know why?
God is so faithful, He answers: "The greater gift is how he loves her? How many times do you see love like that? He gives his life to care for her. His love is the greater gift; the gift the world needs to see."
I'm officially in a puddle; a puddle of my own tears. Once again, I ask, He answers, I am humbled and wowed at the same time. Thank you Jesus for that most beautiful picture of your love; I don't see it very often. In fact, the last time I saw love like that I was 16 years old at a business conference with my parents. When the meal was over and it was time to dance, one of men there picked up his severely handicapped daughter, held her in his arms, her feet hanging limply fifteen inches from the floor and he danced on the dance floor with her like she was a princess. Yes, he was giving his life for her also. That was 39 year ago; so yeah, I guess you just don't see that very often. Thank you, thank you, thank you; God; I'm beginning to understand healing ministry.
Youth Group Leadership
February 28, 2011
Never before have I been gathered with a group of volunteers, adult and student leaders for youth group, that I have developed and experienced such amazing love and a feeling of family as I did on Saturday. To hear everyone's story of how they met God, their struggles, their hopes, their dreams, their passions and to seal those with the prayers and declarations of God was AMAZING! As people spoke over each other, it was so filled with the spirit of God that we couldn't stop. It was a long, long day, we tired, but we're family, we couldn't deny anyone the experience of such a blessing.
I think the thing that blessed me most was when we prayed for Isaac. My thoughts had been gentle giant, like a redwood tree whose roots grow so, so deep. As he sat in the chair and one after another prayed for him, the same things were declared, "walking calmness, a quiet peace that surpasses understanding, a welcome gentleness, quiet and reserved, but greatly missed if he wasn't there". The beauty of it was the look on his face, of almost surprise and shock that these things were being said about him. As if he had no idea what he brought to the group, as if he thought he wouldn't be missed if he was absent.
His reaction reminded me of the day I walked into Starbucks by the mall. I had a bunch of kids there, teenagers, telling me Chris Overstreet was there, to go ask him for prayer. I said, "in the middle of Starbucks?" They said, "you keep telling us to let Jesus out of the box we put Him in. So?" Reluctantly, I approached Chris, waiting my turn, I ask him for prayer. He says something like, "you are mother to all, God has anointed you as a mother to the motherless, a mother to a generation, you are mother to all." The minute he said that my heart knew what my mind could not conceive, God created me, equipped me and gifted me to be a mother, not just to my own children, but to all.
Purpose, meaning, direction sealed with God's incredible love and the gift of community. That was a good and monumental day in my journey with Jesus. I am the mother to a generation that is going to rock this world for Jesus.
Never before have I been gathered with a group of volunteers, adult and student leaders for youth group, that I have developed and experienced such amazing love and a feeling of family as I did on Saturday. To hear everyone's story of how they met God, their struggles, their hopes, their dreams, their passions and to seal those with the prayers and declarations of God was AMAZING! As people spoke over each other, it was so filled with the spirit of God that we couldn't stop. It was a long, long day, we tired, but we're family, we couldn't deny anyone the experience of such a blessing.
I think the thing that blessed me most was when we prayed for Isaac. My thoughts had been gentle giant, like a redwood tree whose roots grow so, so deep. As he sat in the chair and one after another prayed for him, the same things were declared, "walking calmness, a quiet peace that surpasses understanding, a welcome gentleness, quiet and reserved, but greatly missed if he wasn't there". The beauty of it was the look on his face, of almost surprise and shock that these things were being said about him. As if he had no idea what he brought to the group, as if he thought he wouldn't be missed if he was absent.
His reaction reminded me of the day I walked into Starbucks by the mall. I had a bunch of kids there, teenagers, telling me Chris Overstreet was there, to go ask him for prayer. I said, "in the middle of Starbucks?" They said, "you keep telling us to let Jesus out of the box we put Him in. So?" Reluctantly, I approached Chris, waiting my turn, I ask him for prayer. He says something like, "you are mother to all, God has anointed you as a mother to the motherless, a mother to a generation, you are mother to all." The minute he said that my heart knew what my mind could not conceive, God created me, equipped me and gifted me to be a mother, not just to my own children, but to all.
Purpose, meaning, direction sealed with God's incredible love and the gift of community. That was a good and monumental day in my journey with Jesus. I am the mother to a generation that is going to rock this world for Jesus.
Community - what does it look like
February 22, 2011
Community - a unified body of individuals, a social, religious, occupational or other group sharing common characteristics or interests or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists. ecclesiastical - a group of men or women leading a common life according to a rule, similar character, agreement, identity.
Oh God, it would be so much easier to be a Christian, to love you, honor you, follow you if it wasn't for these other Christians I have to deal with. The minute we create community or attempt community, all of the sudden it is an obligation to openly bare your soul and trust people you don't really know. It's like first day of hunting season, I'm going to find your weakness or struggle - not just point it out to you but to the community. It doesn't matter if you feel safe with these people, what the hell we're all Christians. Wars have been fought in the name of Christianity. Does that make it Godly or of God? No, I don't think so. We bring the wounded, the broken, confused, screwed up, wandering into community to first and foremost lift them up, to point them to Jesus, to prop up Jesus in front of ourselves. Did Jesus point out to the whole community about the situation of the woman at the well? Or did He offer her a better life and living water. Jesus offered up grace and love, hope and a dream. If we don't have that to offer up, what we have to give is judgment, hypocrisy and shame. Really is that what we want to give. I recently watched the Furious Love DVD and heard that the greatest weapon we have as Christians is love.
Can we and will we get that and live that? I pray so, I truly pray so.
Community - a unified body of individuals, a social, religious, occupational or other group sharing common characteristics or interests or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists. ecclesiastical - a group of men or women leading a common life according to a rule, similar character, agreement, identity.
Oh God, it would be so much easier to be a Christian, to love you, honor you, follow you if it wasn't for these other Christians I have to deal with. The minute we create community or attempt community, all of the sudden it is an obligation to openly bare your soul and trust people you don't really know. It's like first day of hunting season, I'm going to find your weakness or struggle - not just point it out to you but to the community. It doesn't matter if you feel safe with these people, what the hell we're all Christians. Wars have been fought in the name of Christianity. Does that make it Godly or of God? No, I don't think so. We bring the wounded, the broken, confused, screwed up, wandering into community to first and foremost lift them up, to point them to Jesus, to prop up Jesus in front of ourselves. Did Jesus point out to the whole community about the situation of the woman at the well? Or did He offer her a better life and living water. Jesus offered up grace and love, hope and a dream. If we don't have that to offer up, what we have to give is judgment, hypocrisy and shame. Really is that what we want to give. I recently watched the Furious Love DVD and heard that the greatest weapon we have as Christians is love.
Can we and will we get that and live that? I pray so, I truly pray so.
God's Grace for the Task
February 22, 2011
I have been struggling with one thing for months, it's making me discouraged, it's making me sad, it's making me cry and question who I am in God. That can be a good thing and then not.
I have, will, rather, we have always taken people into our home - literally an employee, a boss, friends, students - and even a foster child. I have always, OK not always, had the grace to handle having "guests" short term or long term. Most recently, a young girl, age 18, that needed a place to stay came to reside with us. When the subject first came up, I said she could stay a few days and it's been over six months now. I have struggled and struggled with this situation. I can't put my finger on it, except I feel like I just don't have any mothering left in me. Now this is very odd, because I have been anointed as a mother to all, and I am that, I have been that before. Except for now, I feel I can't even mother this child - I don't know why, I've been asking myself for months now. It can't be her because she is easy compared to some of our guests, Robert you know that I'm talking about you. But God always gave me so much love and grace, no one in my family could understand it, I couldn't understand it, except for God. Robert would stand at the door, ready to stomp out of here (long walk to town), swearing, screaming, yelling, "you don't care about me". Each time, I would stand there in front of him, letting his barage of profanity fly and when he was done I would say, "well, I'm still here and I still love you". At that time, he would begin to weep and I would hold him like mothers do.
For weeks and months, I have pondered and prayed about this situation. I finally began asking for wise counsel, wish I had done that a whole lot sooner. My first wise counsel was insightful, said my family all needed to be on the same page. If we couldn't that I needed to release our guest because I was denying someone the blessing of truly serving her and her needs. OK, that was helpful.
My second wise counsel spoke so much truth into me, without knowing anything about the situation. I was told it requires an extra amount of grace to welcome someone into your family or for any type of serving ministry. God equips us for that task with an adequate amount of grace to do the task well. I was told, "perhaps this is not what God wants you to do right now and therefore, He is withholding the amount of grace needed to do it well. God could be taking you in a totally different direction and wants all of your attention on Him." My heart knew what my head could not conceive - yes my heart knew. I still have the heart of a mother, I am still anointed as a mother, but I have been mothering for 30 years and my oldest child is 25 years old. For whatever reason, God has called me to a time of rest from full time parenting, full time mothering. I am being called to full time discipleship of Jesus as He is doing a new thing in me. He is sharpening the sword of truth in my life, He is preparing me to further mother a generation to Jesus and that's just where I am and that's exactly where God wants me.
I have been struggling with one thing for months, it's making me discouraged, it's making me sad, it's making me cry and question who I am in God. That can be a good thing and then not.
I have, will, rather, we have always taken people into our home - literally an employee, a boss, friends, students - and even a foster child. I have always, OK not always, had the grace to handle having "guests" short term or long term. Most recently, a young girl, age 18, that needed a place to stay came to reside with us. When the subject first came up, I said she could stay a few days and it's been over six months now. I have struggled and struggled with this situation. I can't put my finger on it, except I feel like I just don't have any mothering left in me. Now this is very odd, because I have been anointed as a mother to all, and I am that, I have been that before. Except for now, I feel I can't even mother this child - I don't know why, I've been asking myself for months now. It can't be her because she is easy compared to some of our guests, Robert you know that I'm talking about you. But God always gave me so much love and grace, no one in my family could understand it, I couldn't understand it, except for God. Robert would stand at the door, ready to stomp out of here (long walk to town), swearing, screaming, yelling, "you don't care about me". Each time, I would stand there in front of him, letting his barage of profanity fly and when he was done I would say, "well, I'm still here and I still love you". At that time, he would begin to weep and I would hold him like mothers do.
For weeks and months, I have pondered and prayed about this situation. I finally began asking for wise counsel, wish I had done that a whole lot sooner. My first wise counsel was insightful, said my family all needed to be on the same page. If we couldn't that I needed to release our guest because I was denying someone the blessing of truly serving her and her needs. OK, that was helpful.
My second wise counsel spoke so much truth into me, without knowing anything about the situation. I was told it requires an extra amount of grace to welcome someone into your family or for any type of serving ministry. God equips us for that task with an adequate amount of grace to do the task well. I was told, "perhaps this is not what God wants you to do right now and therefore, He is withholding the amount of grace needed to do it well. God could be taking you in a totally different direction and wants all of your attention on Him." My heart knew what my head could not conceive - yes my heart knew. I still have the heart of a mother, I am still anointed as a mother, but I have been mothering for 30 years and my oldest child is 25 years old. For whatever reason, God has called me to a time of rest from full time parenting, full time mothering. I am being called to full time discipleship of Jesus as He is doing a new thing in me. He is sharpening the sword of truth in my life, He is preparing me to further mother a generation to Jesus and that's just where I am and that's exactly where God wants me.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Hearing God Speak
February 10, 2011
I am very burdened by the condition of people around me and their lack of hearing God speak. Jesus: Think bigger, girls! For one day you'll see Me in my glory, then you'll say . . . "We should have thought bigger!"
God help me to think bigger, beyond my thoughts, beyond my comprehension, beyond my understanding, beyond this earthly realm and think of heaven and Your glory as we live in Your presence and bring heaven to earth. Expand my faith, my boldness, my understanding, my vision, my dreams, my passions, may I be Your girl, Your daughter, and You be My Beloved, Jesus. My life and hope are in You.
OK, lack of hearing is on my heart. I've had a period of time when I didn't hear God speak for a whole year, so I know that it's totally possible, it's extremely painful, lonely, discouraging, and will bring you to a place where you must ask for prayer. It's very humbling, to say the least. I always assume if people don't hear God speak, that's why. But I guess those seasons are few and far between, thank God for that. I guess when someone shares they are not hearing God speak, my first question should be "is there something in your life God is putting His finger on that you're refusing to handover to Him?"
It came up in youth group the other day, the question about recurring sin. I think the question was about what if we keep sinning? It was explained and discussed about we all live in a constant state of confessing our sins, having them forgiven and being renewed and restored. Now, I'm almost, I say almost, afraid to write this next part, out of my own fear. There is a difference between confessing our daily sins, attitudes and such from continuing on with the same sin over and over. God puts His finger of the fire of purity on something He wants to purge from our lives and we say, "no, not that". Now that creates a totally different situation.
That particular issue didn't get discussed as a group but I discussed it later with a few of the teens. John was the one who put it so perfectly, in words and pictures, even I could grasp. He said, "if 80% of you is following Jesus down a pathway and 20% of you is going in a different direction, you create a V figure. As you progress further down the path you get further and further away from God. It creates a static, like a TV on the wrong station, there is no peace there and the longer you sustain life in that manner, the further away from God you become. Some times to the point that you don't hear God or He becomes very difficult to hear. That's because when we disobey God over and over again - He will wait patiently for us to act and yield to obedience. He is a patient God who is totally passionate about our free will, He will allow us that above all things, even His desire to be in relationship with us. And personally, that reality causes me to love Him more and more.
I am very burdened by the condition of people around me and their lack of hearing God speak. Jesus: Think bigger, girls! For one day you'll see Me in my glory, then you'll say . . . "We should have thought bigger!"
God help me to think bigger, beyond my thoughts, beyond my comprehension, beyond my understanding, beyond this earthly realm and think of heaven and Your glory as we live in Your presence and bring heaven to earth. Expand my faith, my boldness, my understanding, my vision, my dreams, my passions, may I be Your girl, Your daughter, and You be My Beloved, Jesus. My life and hope are in You.
OK, lack of hearing is on my heart. I've had a period of time when I didn't hear God speak for a whole year, so I know that it's totally possible, it's extremely painful, lonely, discouraging, and will bring you to a place where you must ask for prayer. It's very humbling, to say the least. I always assume if people don't hear God speak, that's why. But I guess those seasons are few and far between, thank God for that. I guess when someone shares they are not hearing God speak, my first question should be "is there something in your life God is putting His finger on that you're refusing to handover to Him?"
It came up in youth group the other day, the question about recurring sin. I think the question was about what if we keep sinning? It was explained and discussed about we all live in a constant state of confessing our sins, having them forgiven and being renewed and restored. Now, I'm almost, I say almost, afraid to write this next part, out of my own fear. There is a difference between confessing our daily sins, attitudes and such from continuing on with the same sin over and over. God puts His finger of the fire of purity on something He wants to purge from our lives and we say, "no, not that". Now that creates a totally different situation.
That particular issue didn't get discussed as a group but I discussed it later with a few of the teens. John was the one who put it so perfectly, in words and pictures, even I could grasp. He said, "if 80% of you is following Jesus down a pathway and 20% of you is going in a different direction, you create a V figure. As you progress further down the path you get further and further away from God. It creates a static, like a TV on the wrong station, there is no peace there and the longer you sustain life in that manner, the further away from God you become. Some times to the point that you don't hear God or He becomes very difficult to hear. That's because when we disobey God over and over again - He will wait patiently for us to act and yield to obedience. He is a patient God who is totally passionate about our free will, He will allow us that above all things, even His desire to be in relationship with us. And personally, that reality causes me to love Him more and more.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)